Wednesday, June 16, 2010

A Year Behind

I have been feeling rather low this week and the only thing I can pinpoint is that it is exactly a year ago this week that my husband moved out because he was having an affair (little did I know at this point).  This was the beginning of my awful summer last year.  I remember the feelings and the weather.  My kids call it the Depression of '09 and it was! Everyday was drama in some shape or form. I didn't know for some time he was having an affair. I was under the impression he was 'working' on himself! Oh YAH he was!  What kind of woman emails her kids lacrosse coach and says, "do you think about me"? Well, I know all to well what kind of woman does that now. A home wrecking whore bitch!  Sorry, its theraputic to write that!

I save emails.  I don't delete anything but the junk - for no reason really.  And I have the terrible habit of going back a year and reading emails....not good I know, but I do.  Yes they upset me but I also learn things from them that I didn't see a year ago. I learned that my husband hinted to me a few times that he was having an affair if I had read between the lines - I knew there was a friendship...a strong friendship.  I learned that after receiving a 39 page cell phone bill - a cell phone that I got for my husband the day he moved out so he could keep in contact with the kids.  Guess who he called first?  YEP, the home-wrecking whore bitch. Hours upon hours of texts and phone calls, but really they were just friends! Oh, I was dumb... and he is a great liar. The day I got the bill was the day I cancelled his phone!

I shouldn't dwell on the past it only makes me feel the pain again.  In this year I have accomplished a lot for me personally.  I spent a lot of time in therapy and I got back together with my husband!  It was a wonderful three week honeymoon and unfortunately as we all know...honeymoons don't last.  So we are apart again ...now its been 6 months.  I think I can finally say I feel okay with being single...I don't necessarily like it. It really sucks...a lot.  But I know I will be okay and the kids will be okay.  I just have to delete the emails!!

Cheers to a better summer and year ahead!
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3 comments:

  1. BonnieJune 17, 2010 at 3:28 AM

    Definitely time to house clean. Throw out the emails, clear your head. No good dwelling on the ugliness - too much weight to carry. You have good friends who will stand by you and help. The whore bitch is not worth your time or energy. You are so much better than that!

    BTW - Love the new layout!

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  2. MollyJune 17, 2010 at 7:07 AM

    I wouldn't delete the emails. I am like you. I read and reread, and it does serve a purpose. It helps you to understand and think and until you are really ready to get rid of them, don't. They are cathartic in a weird way.

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  3. SarahJune 19, 2010 at 1:21 PM

    My brother did the EXACT same thing to my sister-in-law. I am now estranged from my brother. And I call "that girl" a bitch, slut, skank, puke, whore. Makes me feel better. She and my brother did all that disgusting "just friend" texting, too. He's a man whore.
    Delete the emails, my therapist made me delete mine from my brother!

    ReplyDelete

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