Disgusting

Since I can remember I have been traveling to the atlantic ocean every summer. Many of my best memories are of my summers on the beach and in the ocean; body surfing waves, jelly fish in my bathing suit, crabbing and fishing. I have spent a lot of time in South Carolina a home away from home. Traveled for many years to the British Virgin Island visiting my brother on his boat- HEAVEN! I became a Dive Master in my twenties and dove in some beautiful spots like Hawaii and the Virgin Islands. The ocean is very important in my life and to the world.  It's heartbreaking to watch -

And....this is only one of 3,500 oil wells in the Gulf.

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/video/diving-gulfs-toxic-soup-10735329

Sunshine in a Different Form

I am so sorry for my absence (do you really care?) but I have had a lack of things to say frankly!  Now that I know people read these blogs I have a little extra pressure of being clever and witty!  I may not be a regular blogger this summer my cleverness seems to wane with the weather!  And right now I can't say enough about the weather.  This is my kind of weather (as I sit in an office with one window 3 floors up (sad face)). 

I have blogged about the weather before and here we are again because it is in the 80's and sunny, sunny, sunny! I have felt so good this past month and it directly correlates with three things in my life and that is; the weather, the gym, and a friend! Yes, the dreaded and very much hated gym!  I am not a work-out junkie. I do it very sporadically, but I recently joined a new place which I love. It took me a good 2 months to begin working out once I joined, and I have to thank my new friend, Madcap Comrade. She isn't really a new friend but a re-acquainted friend.  She has been a supporter of me on all angles and most recently gotten me to the gym regularly!  Okay, I may go kicking and screaming but that's part of my shtick!  I feel great, I feel motivated, and I can honestly say I feel happy.  I did gardening this week and fixed up our porch. I am getting back a part of my life that I lost last year. 

So thank you to my two sunshine's in my life; the weather and my Madcap Comrade! Where would I be without you? Can we have a drink now?

Let's Put it Behind

I am having dinner with an old friend that hasn't spoken to me in close to a year. I am a nervous pile and not at all excited about talking feelings and last years events. I just don't know.  Stay tuned! Oh, and to those followers wondering about the party...I have until the middle of June to think about it!! It will be a last minute decision!

GONE FISHIN?

I am reporting in with a serious case of writers block!  I have two posts in the works but nothing to publish. You'll hear from me soon do not despair!!

Invitation to Disaster

An invitation came in the mail today!  Wow I haven't seen something like this since hmmm....I can't remember!  It was addressed to both the Ex and I.  Should we go holding hands and let tongues wag?  I sort of think that this party isn't my scene anymore. I feel out of the loop so to speak.  These people were once good friends, but times change and people lives move in different directions.  How do you handle a party together after a separation/divorce?  I know my Ex will not attend.  He was never the social type anyway and this would send him into sheer panic.   I can hear you all now; hold your head up high and go.  But you don't understand after you go through something like this its not so easy...at all. 

First you walk into a social party such as this - there is bound to be a lot of what I call "fancy's" there - and you feel like everyone is staring at you, then talking about you.  You go immediately to your comfort zone - THE BAR.  Phew you made it there and you can talk to bartender who is always a friend.  You stand by THE BAR and drink ... fast as the nerves are starting to ease thanks to the drink you had before you left and this one.

You make idle chit chat with some of the husbands getting white wine for their wives and most of them don't have a clue about anything so you are safe. Grab another drink and you are ready to explore the crowd...but wait...take a look to see where you are going and where you are avoiding.  Head straight for an easy target.  If its a really good party they have trays of drinks going around the crowd...grab one and go.  Now, you maybe a little sloshy...a little, but you have a smile on your face and your nerves are behind.

You make more idle chit chat with people you haven't seen in a while - probably talking about the kids (a safte topic) while gripping your drinks glass and secretly looking for the passing drink tray. Really no one will notice your eyes roaming around the room....really its okay. The passing tray is close but can you get to her without knocking over a table? Yes, you can if it weren't for those DAMN heels you had to wear (you did have to look your best).  You teedle toddle a bit on the heels trying not to fall ass over tea kettle blaming the mistep on the rug. Okay maybe you are a little more than tipsy or sloshy...maybe you are drunk!  If people weren't talking about you before - they sure are now. Find a safe target and go siddle in on that conversation pretending you have only had one drink.  You realize the party is too stuffy and not fun enough to waste your time and you head for the door!

So should I go?

Imaginery Mother

My mother said to me when I told her I was getting divorced, "Oh, I hope you can meet someone nice." My mother has never been the most supportive in stressful situations. She reacts more with "Oh god now what?" rather than, "oh dear I am so sorry for you. What can I do to help?" I have an imaginary mother in my head and she is very supportive. When kids are little they have imaginary friends, I have an imaginary mother. I talk to my imaginary mother too and she responds!

My imaginary mother brings over dinner when I have to work late. She makes the kids their favorites and always has something for me too. My real-life mother brought over a chicken I had to cook after I had my first child. Since then, nothing. My imaginary mother picks up the kids and drives them everywhere! My real-life mother doesn't. My imaginary mother has us all over for dinner on Sunday. You guessed it...only go over to real-life mothers' on holidays. In fact, we never go over there but for a holiday. My real-life mother lives 6 minutes away in heavy traffic. My imaginery mother comes over a lot to help me with cooking, cleaning and just visiting now that I am a single parent. The real-lifer hasn't seen grandkids since December. No she doesn't work full time, no she doesn't play bridge...she doesn't do anything except take care of my Dad. My beloved Dad has alzheimers and is in a nursing home so really who takes care of Dad.

You can sense I am a little bitter about my real-life mother. She has taught me a very important lesson however, and that is to be more like my imaginery mother than her! Cheers to my imaginery mother!

Stranded in Dream Land

I love my dreams...like some people I have frequent recurring dreams. My worst recurring dream when I was younger was of drowning...not a good one. I would fall off the dock and not be able to swim up but I could look up and see my Dad - then I would thankfully wake up! I now have two recurring dreams going on now; one is flying and the other is (for lack of a better word) stranded! So I did some dream research. Your actions in your dreams parallel how you would respond to stresses in your life.  My drowning dream I do nothing so if I was stressed at age 10 I looked to my Dad to fix it for me.  For any of you who know me well, this was very true!

Flying dreams are interpreted as rising above something in your life and gaining persective. It is showing a personal sense of power if you are controling yourself in flight (uh, not me). But why am I flying above the trees? Because I am being chased! Chasing dreams signify anxiety (check) and insted of confronting the issue I run (check) or fly in my case! Wow, I can think of a few people who are chasing me in my waking life...thank god I can fly away in my dreams!

It is said that recurring dreams are ways your unconscience self sends important messages to your conscience self that you aren't listening.

Dream: Hey, the bill collectors are constantly chasing us how many times do I have to tell you!

Me: I don't give a shit I am getting out of here! (again) And by the way don't answer the phone!

My other recurring dream is about missing my plane.  I am usually in a really nice spot when I miss my plane like Hawii or the Carribbean so I don't care that much, but it keeps happening. I think it means I need to move somewhere beautiful and warm at least that is what I am telling myself! 

I had fun interpretting dreams...think about yours and what they may mean.

The Value of Friendship

The definition of 'friendship' is the tendency to desire what is best for the other. Other traits of friendship include but not limited to sympathy, empathy, honesty, mutual understanding, a supporter in times of good and bad, a good listener, and someone who makes you happy and is there for you when you are sad.

As we age our friendships become fewer but stronger I think. Being single does not help in the frienship department. When you become single you start subtracting friends from your list. Its like a death in the beginning they are hovering (some just looking for gossip) and then poof they are gone! The couples you used to go to dinner with - gone. The girl friends you used to go to dinner with - some gone. Do I carry an ugly cloud around with me? Have I drastically changed? I can still eat, but I have lost my status as a couple.

I have had a draft of this friendship blog for quite sometime. I am really negtive about friends right now and didn't think I should post that. It's true some friendships were destroyed because of my husbands actions and that really was hard for me. On the flip side of that, I have new friends that have filled that void and made me see what it means to be a friend. It is all of the above and so much more. I have an old acquantenance that has blossomed into a great friend, a wonderful supporter, and a good listener. Then there is a friend that is 20 years my junior who is a riot and a half. I love her to death - we get along famously and she is part of the family now. I have my bff from Kindergarten!! We will always be there for each other - thru thick and thin was our saying from long ago and it remains true many many years later. I only wish we lived closer to each other. My life is full of many great friendships of all shapes and sizes.

What prompted me to write and change this post from a negative to a positive was a friend who I haven't seen in probably 20+ years friended me on FB and said I was beautiful! Well that made my day! We talked on FB and texting pretty much the whole day, and here was this friend who hasn't known me since high school saying the nicest most sincere things I have heard in a long time. I was touched by his kindness, sincerity and humor...he hasn't changed a bit. Here's to you Rich!! :) You're the best.

The Short Of It

The theme for my week so far has been "short". I took my dog to the groomers and they gave her the most inappropriate short haircut for a Scottie! We now call her our 'hairless cat". Okay, it was a new groomer, but you don't ever cut a Scottie like that - back to the old groomer for us. Went to get the nails done (again a new guy not my regular) and he did them way way too short. Once again, if you are getting artifical nails you don't want nubs! What is wrong with people? Then at home I get these short answers from the kids, "how was your day"? "fine". I love texting, but I absolutely cannot stand someone who texts back "K". You either expand your thought or you don't text back! Enough with the short of it!

Dating Game

So when do the dates start? What is the appropriate time to be in mourning for your marriage gone haywire? I think I am good...ready for someone to wine and dine me to start. Where does a single woman find such a catch? Not my office as I am the only one in my office. The grocery store is a place I frequent and I haven't met anyone at the cucumbers (Animal House)! Oh, the liquor store is a frequent stop, but I am usually in a hurry to get home with said bottle! It's a conundrum. Interested parties need not apply just call quick...I am 48!

Bad Day

What do you do when your ex says he wants to start 'dating' you? Throw yourself off a bridge, pull all your hair out, say okay, or say go F yourself! Oy vey, just when I was starting to get used to the idea of getting divorced he starts up with this!

Bully for him he's starting to see the light in the error of his ways. It's been a huge battle for me to get over him. We have spent our whole lives together basically...from age 14. That is a hell of a long time. I admit I am not 'over' him and may never be. I lead a simple uncomplicated life and I like it that way! I am not having a good day :)....