Forward, Backward, Sideways?

I ran across a quote that seemed particularly fitting for my long weekend, "How can I go forward, when I don't know which direction I am facing?" by John Lennon. 

Holidays can be difficult when you are separated for many different reasons.  My reasons happen to be that its just plain lonely and boring!  I am grateful that I have my kids to entertain me...and they do entertain me. Its a time for family events; vacations, picnics, you name it, but I had none of it. I tend to throw myself pitty parties every now and again so bear with me.   A good friend reminds me that I need to reach out when I feel I need someone.  Not so easy.  First of all who wants to hear it? Who wants to hear a friend whine and complain! Occasionally I think that they need to reach out to me.  That has always been my way - people can pull things out of me, but otherwise I am quiet as a church mouse!  I am learning to spew more, but really who wants to hear it?  REALLY?

I was fortunate enough to go to a friends for a BBQ on Sunday with kids.  It was really nice. I haven't been out with these people in more than 8 mos and the first time without the ex - that's a long time to be without your closest friends.  There were times I felt out of sorts...its not easy to jump back in...it really doesn't work that way, but no one understands that unless you've have been through it.  I realize my life has changed in ways I didn't expect or want it to.

I had received some bad financial news the afternoon before party.  It upset me a lot so I might have drowned the problems in some Grey Goose....(some).  Great .. go see your friends you haven't seen in a year and get trashed Gwen!  Good Job! Then you drunk text your ex and have a texting fight until 2am!  I really need to name the texting fights - we have them a lot...not necessarily drunk. Fexting...that's it!

So it was a few things culminating into one evening and BOOM Gwen explosion! So "How do I go forward, if I don't know which direction I am facing?"