ALL HANDYMAN PLEASE APPLY

All handymen please apply!  Looking for a handy man, cheap, nice, good looking a plus by not a requirement, prerequisits are knowledge of plumbing and electricity.  Humor an added bonus, but not necessary. Must love dogs. Please help!

Every thing is falling apart.  Its not hard enough to be a single mother but you also have to be a single homeowner and that just sucks.  We haven't had a screen door in kitchen for 6 years so door stays open so flies, mosquitos, bats and other creatures flock to my open door. The ice maker broken for 1 year - it could be an easy fix if someone could just look.  The outdoor hose froze in winter and busted - going on 2nd year.  I need water in my backyard!! I haven't been able to take a bath in 5 years - faucet broken.  Shower leaking 5 years.  Minimal water pressure on cold spout in my bathroom - 7 years.  No chandelier in dining room - 7 years.  Kids do homework in dining room, but who needs light? 

I want a condo.

A Year Behind

I have been feeling rather low this week and the only thing I can pinpoint is that it is exactly a year ago this week that my husband moved out because he was having an affair (little did I know at this point).  This was the beginning of my awful summer last year.  I remember the feelings and the weather.  My kids call it the Depression of '09 and it was! Everyday was drama in some shape or form. I didn't know for some time he was having an affair. I was under the impression he was 'working' on himself! Oh YAH he was!  What kind of woman emails her kids lacrosse coach and says, "do you think about me"? Well, I know all to well what kind of woman does that now. A home wrecking whore bitch!  Sorry, its theraputic to write that!

I save emails.  I don't delete anything but the junk - for no reason really.  And I have the terrible habit of going back a year and reading emails....not good I know, but I do.  Yes they upset me but I also learn things from them that I didn't see a year ago. I learned that my husband hinted to me a few times that he was having an affair if I had read between the lines - I knew there was a friendship...a strong friendship.  I learned that after receiving a 39 page cell phone bill - a cell phone that I got for my husband the day he moved out so he could keep in contact with the kids.  Guess who he called first?  YEP, the home-wrecking whore bitch. Hours upon hours of texts and phone calls, but really they were just friends! Oh, I was dumb... and he is a great liar. The day I got the bill was the day I cancelled his phone!

I shouldn't dwell on the past it only makes me feel the pain again.  In this year I have accomplished a lot for me personally.  I spent a lot of time in therapy and I got back together with my husband!  It was a wonderful three week honeymoon and unfortunately as we all know...honeymoons don't last.  So we are apart again ...now its been 6 months.  I think I can finally say I feel okay with being single...I don't necessarily like it. It really sucks...a lot.  But I know I will be okay and the kids will be okay.  I just have to delete the emails!!

Cheers to a better summer and year ahead!

A Sticky Wicket

How do you tell your boss you need more money? Especially when you are a complete chicken shit when it comes to things like this...I can't even ask for a day off without having an anxiety attack!  This is the first year I haven't gotten a raise...ok I can deal with it.  Well, I can't really - things are really difficult right now.  I am a single mother now which means our income is much less than last year.  I have pondered more than once looking for a new job....ugh.  My medical is thru my Ex and that will stay until we legally divorce.  I am supposed to see the financial side of that in my pay because its a benefit of my job. Health insurance rates climb every year as we all know, but my medical benefit in my paycheck hasn't.  I raised that concern once and was told there isn't any money for that right now.

My roadblocks are more large large cement walls!  I love my job, I love my bosses - they are almost like family.  We are close, but I don't take advantage of that I do my job without complaining .... ever.  My job isn't rocket science but I believe in my company like it were my own and I really enjoy it.  It has been my salvation many many many days! I work Saturdays which I hate and other weekends when necessary. They are very generous to me in other areas - like time.  I can take care of personal things during the day if they come up which is a huge bonus in my  life as a single mother and homeowner. Who even says I would find another job.

The reality is I know there isn't money for me to get a raise - I do the books! I don't want another job. I love my job, but I am scared that I will have to find something else.   Oy its a sticky situation! I need a miracle.  I need someone to give my company a million dollars! and I need my Ex to make more money!! All, so I can stay happy and DAMN that's all that counts right now!!

Dear Daughter

Why do teenage girls have to be mean to each other when they are suppose to be best friends?  They can be manipulative, back stabbing, lieing, name calling little bitches to be blunt! I have been disturbed by this phenomena for many years. I have tried thinking back to my grade school and high school years - a little difficult drumming up that far back. I remember a little back in grade school.  I hung around boys in high school and maybe that's why - I couldn't put up with the drama.  Is it just one of the hardships of growing up?  Do all teenage girls experience this in their lives?

My daughter happens to be the object of one of these mean girls.  I can't stand watching her go through this.  Once a best friend can now no longer be trusted. I counsel her and love her, but it doesn't take the pain away.  If these girls knew how important your girl friendships are when you are 48 would they continue with their behavior. Would it give them pause before they lied, manipulated, or back stabbed their so called best friend.  I tell you I wouldn't live through it.  I think also with today's technology is so easy for girls to do these things. Emailing, texting, iming, fbing...its all so anonymous and unfeeling - not  much is face to face anymore.  Would the mean girls do these things face to face?  I have my doubts.

Hang in there my beautiful, sweet, loving daughter it won't be like this forever.

Who Loves You?

I love dogs!  I really love my dogs!  I have a black labrador, we'll call her Orange (she wants to remain anonymous in blog)  who is 11 years old...we think.  She was 10 for a few years. Do you do that?  I would forget the kids ages too, but they love to tell us how old they are!  I have a two year old Scottish Terrorist (we'll call her Cyrus) - my rescue dog.  Yes, I am all about the animals.  Well okay, I rescued her from my mother and thank god we did.  My mother would have turned her into in a barky, nervous, abnoxious terrier.    For some unknown reason the scotty is the alpha dog and pretty much the boss of all of us.  She demands everything from us and doesn't take "NO" as an answer and we comply fully with her doggy desires.

I have had a few dogs in my life and they have always been my best friends.  I did have a couple of nutty dogs; a beagle and a chesapeake - not so good.  The Chessy ate a hole thru a wall and I came home to find her head sticking out of the house while her body was inside! My labradors have been the best dogs ever.  They are so kind, so friendly and so willing to please. Orange will do anything to get a pet or a hug, but if Cyrus jumps into the middle which she is likely to do, Orange will back away.  Problem with Labs is that they get rather smelly as they age.  My mother likes to say they are rotting from the inside out.  I don't wish to share those sentiments, but sometimes it seems so.  It is hard to brush their teeth - is anyone successfull with this?  Her teeth are black!  You would smell too if you hadn't brushed your teeth for 11 years. Then there is the shedding... jeez Orange's shedding season runs all year. Piles and piles of dusty black hair...in chunks around the house.  Dog ownership at its finest.

Cyrus is young and doesn't have the older dog smells so she gets more attention.  Sad for Orange. Who comes running when we are sad, down in the dumps, sniffling noses from a cold, or just lonely....our dogs.  They always show up at your side at the right time or in my case on my lap or bed!!  They love unconditionally...except I think they are mad cuz the ex isn't around to walk them!

Forward, Backward, Sideways?

I ran across a quote that seemed particularly fitting for my long weekend, "How can I go forward, when I don't know which direction I am facing?" by John Lennon. 

Holidays can be difficult when you are separated for many different reasons.  My reasons happen to be that its just plain lonely and boring!  I am grateful that I have my kids to entertain me...and they do entertain me. Its a time for family events; vacations, picnics, you name it, but I had none of it. I tend to throw myself pitty parties every now and again so bear with me.   A good friend reminds me that I need to reach out when I feel I need someone.  Not so easy.  First of all who wants to hear it? Who wants to hear a friend whine and complain! Occasionally I think that they need to reach out to me.  That has always been my way - people can pull things out of me, but otherwise I am quiet as a church mouse!  I am learning to spew more, but really who wants to hear it?  REALLY?

I was fortunate enough to go to a friends for a BBQ on Sunday with kids.  It was really nice. I haven't been out with these people in more than 8 mos and the first time without the ex - that's a long time to be without your closest friends.  There were times I felt out of sorts...its not easy to jump back in...it really doesn't work that way, but no one understands that unless you've have been through it.  I realize my life has changed in ways I didn't expect or want it to.

I had received some bad financial news the afternoon before party.  It upset me a lot so I might have drowned the problems in some Grey Goose....(some).  Great .. go see your friends you haven't seen in a year and get trashed Gwen!  Good Job! Then you drunk text your ex and have a texting fight until 2am!  I really need to name the texting fights - we have them a lot...not necessarily drunk. Fexting...that's it!

So it was a few things culminating into one evening and BOOM Gwen explosion! So "How do I go forward, if I don't know which direction I am facing?"

Disgusting

Since I can remember I have been traveling to the atlantic ocean every summer. Many of my best memories are of my summers on the beach and in the ocean; body surfing waves, jelly fish in my bathing suit, crabbing and fishing. I have spent a lot of time in South Carolina a home away from home. Traveled for many years to the British Virgin Island visiting my brother on his boat- HEAVEN! I became a Dive Master in my twenties and dove in some beautiful spots like Hawaii and the Virgin Islands. The ocean is very important in my life and to the world.  It's heartbreaking to watch -

And....this is only one of 3,500 oil wells in the Gulf.

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/video/diving-gulfs-toxic-soup-10735329

Sunshine in a Different Form

I am so sorry for my absence (do you really care?) but I have had a lack of things to say frankly!  Now that I know people read these blogs I have a little extra pressure of being clever and witty!  I may not be a regular blogger this summer my cleverness seems to wane with the weather!  And right now I can't say enough about the weather.  This is my kind of weather (as I sit in an office with one window 3 floors up (sad face)). 

I have blogged about the weather before and here we are again because it is in the 80's and sunny, sunny, sunny! I have felt so good this past month and it directly correlates with three things in my life and that is; the weather, the gym, and a friend! Yes, the dreaded and very much hated gym!  I am not a work-out junkie. I do it very sporadically, but I recently joined a new place which I love. It took me a good 2 months to begin working out once I joined, and I have to thank my new friend, Madcap Comrade. She isn't really a new friend but a re-acquainted friend.  She has been a supporter of me on all angles and most recently gotten me to the gym regularly!  Okay, I may go kicking and screaming but that's part of my shtick!  I feel great, I feel motivated, and I can honestly say I feel happy.  I did gardening this week and fixed up our porch. I am getting back a part of my life that I lost last year. 

So thank you to my two sunshine's in my life; the weather and my Madcap Comrade! Where would I be without you? Can we have a drink now?

Let's Put it Behind

I am having dinner with an old friend that hasn't spoken to me in close to a year. I am a nervous pile and not at all excited about talking feelings and last years events. I just don't know.  Stay tuned! Oh, and to those followers wondering about the party...I have until the middle of June to think about it!! It will be a last minute decision!

GONE FISHIN?

I am reporting in with a serious case of writers block!  I have two posts in the works but nothing to publish. You'll hear from me soon do not despair!!